Emotions AGAIN?

I don't know why, but lately I've been really hormonal. It's very unsettling, not being able to control or understand my own emotions.

I have this personal self-help movement going on that has been in place probably since 7th grade. When I notice that I repeatedly do something as a habit or have a certain fear, I immediately stop. This has happened on numerous occasions... In 7th grade, I bit my nails habitually. Actually, I had for my whole childhood. After a while of my family berating me for it, I decided to stop, and did. In 9th grade, I had a very short cigarette frenzy, and once I realized I was smoking regularly, I stopped forever. Now, I have been cracking my knuckles and biting my cheeks, which I have decided to stop doing. As far as fears go, I was at various points in my life afraid of clowns, heights, death, my future, all bugs and creepy crawlies, and I successfully overcame them all. Now I'm dealing with fear of commitment, I think. And when I rationally think about it, I realize that commitment would be wonderful, and I don't think I'm consciously afraid of it, it's just that whenever I'm faced with the choice of committing to someone (romantically) or not, I naturally lean towards not. I don't know how to fix that, but I want to change. Not being able to really depend on someone makes me feel less human.

I have been kind of bored the past week, it's like I have nothing to fantasize about. I suppose I should fantasize about Costa Rica, since I'm going there for spring break. It's just that it's hard to fantasize when I have no idea what it's going to be like. I guess my imagination sucks.

Lately I've been drifting apart from certain friends, which sucks, but I'm realizing that that's how life is. As much as you might love someone, life can lead you apart, and that's okay. It's just how it goes, and I appreciate the friends I've been getting closer to as a result of all the time I've been spending with them. Life is really good, I don't know why I'm always complaining. I'm going to try to stop that habit, too.

Today I went to school, then dropped off Zach and Miri Make a Porno, went to work out, realized that I dropped the movie at the wrong video place, picked it up, went home, realized I had to drop it off at the other video place, drove back, drove home, and realized I have to get my oil changed. Damn, I'm forgetful. But it was a pretty regular day.

Thanks for reading!
See ya, wouldn't want to be ya!