I'm GRADUATED

Today was the first step of the rest of my journey. Here we go.

I only started crying after about 30 minutes of the graduation ceremony had gone by! So I think I deserve some credit for that.

Embarrassing moment? Here we go. The Honors students were being recognized, and the principal said that everyone with a GPA of 4.4 or higher should stand, and I heard 4.0 so I stood and quickly realized my mistake and sat back down. I'm sure a ton of people kept watching me thinking 'oh that girl has no idea what's going on' and they were right. So that was embarrassing.

When I was driving after graduation, I felt that I should put on some deodorant, so I got it out and was about to at a stoplight when a cute guy in the car next to me gave me the sexy eye. And then I was like 'well, I still need to put this on' so I did and he laughed at me and drove away. SO... That was cool.

I'm just super smart in general and am always so suave it's insane.

Anyway I spent a ton of the day going to and fro to graduation parties, and that was fun. I even spent an hour at my own! And got a ton of money.

I can't wait to go to Indiana! Fuckyeah fuckyeah

Don't feel like writing? Doing it anyway?

I guess I'm done with high school... Feels almost like it's just another day. But I know it's not.

Today I watched Something Borrowed and it was worse than I hoped.. But still sweet. Then I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 4 and it was worse than I expected. And that was disappointing.

Poop. I have to change my orientation time for CU, which sucks, because the site is down for maintenance and I can't do anything until Monday. I just wish I could fix it now. Poop ploop.

:) I should get some waterproof mascara for when I cry at graduation. Unless I don't cry! That'd be cool. But I've been a water factory for the past week so it's hard to hope for something like that. Crycrycry. It's satisfying, though, since when I stop crying I feel really cleansed.

I will follow you into the dark

Jeezus. All the yearbook signing, all the it's-your-last-day teacher speeches, all the long-long-long hugs.. All of it was just bullets. The i'm-going-to-make-you-cry gun was firing bullets all day long at my nostalgia-organ. So, yeah, it hit me a couple of times. And, yeah, I cried. I'm not going to lie - Fairview didn't make me who I am, and I am ready to leave. But going there was a gift. It has given me so many opportunities and it so hard to believe it's over. Just like that.

But anywayy let me go through what I did today.

I went to school, listened to some eulogies (and looked down so I wouldn't have to make eye contact with the speakers - especially this one girl who I don't specifically like) in LA, and left early. Then I went to Chinese, where I was theoretically supposed to turn in this study guide all filled out (yeah fuck that) and take a listening test. But guess what! The listening tape the district sent us only had German, French, and Spanish! So no listening test occurred. And no study guide was turned in. And I just didn't take the final. So, cool, I guess?

Then I figured out that I want to go to Leeds School of Business by talking more with Ms. Gifford and I talked to my mom and she was finally okay with my college decision and I felt so relieved and ready and just radically happy that I could move on without constantly fighting my parents about my future. And I called the guy so I could switch.

Theeeeeen I went to Ksoops and got some chips for the journalism partay, then to Physics where we watched The Prestige (fuck yeah fuck yeah it was so cool) and Mr. Guthrie gave this little speech and I cried.

After Physics, Ryan and Mark and Ashley and Slick and I went to Noodles and ate yummy food. Then Ryan and I went to the journalism party, which was fun, but super sad also because there was so much crying involved. Also I got this yearbook signing unsolicited from someone who I really didn't expect to sign it, and suddenly I opened it and there it was.. And it was really nice. But I just felt weird about it since we don't talk at all and it just seemed time-inappropriate. But it's all good in the hood.

After Journalism, I went to Digital Art and Design, where I watched a couple of presentations and we left early. Then I went to the dentist and it turns out that my wisdom teeth are super late bloomers and probably won't come in for at least another year so I don't have to worry about them! Coolio.

Then I hung out with Tyler and co. and played apples to apples and won. I've never lost. I don't know why that is, because the game so depends on who you're playing it with. But I'm still super proud that I've never lost. But it's not about winning or losing - it's the process, which is super fun. It was raining super dooper hard by the time I left and I called Mark because I said I would and

Mark and I decided to watch a movie! So about an hour later he picked me up and we ate some cereal (me) and quesadilla (him) at his house, then went to go watch Everything Must Go. With Will Ferrell. And, no offense, Will, but not your best movie. I felt depressed at least a good 93% of the time. Which, I guess, makes it art or something, but I still didn't enjoy most of it. There were a few funny parts, though. And Mark liked it, so that counts for something.

I'm super glad Mark and I are friends. And I'm glad he and Ashley are doing so well. It makes me really happy to see my friends so happy. I feel the same way about Tyler and Lindsay. It's just sweet. But it also kind of makes me super anxious because when they're having trouble, I feel super nervous for them and I feel all this suspense and get all wrapped up in it and worry abou tit. But that's what friendship is, sometimes.

I'm done with high school... I can't believe it. How does it just vanish? Craycray.

I just can't date a dude with a vag - Kesha

You know when you have a ton of emotion about something and in the back of your mind the logical part of you is like 'listen, buddy, you're really overreacting and you should calm down' and the emotional side of you is like 'shut the fuck up, this is affecting me and I need to acknowledge it!'

Well, it kind of feels like civil war. And it sucks. And it often happens to me at that time of the month. Thanks mother nature.

I bought the new Kesha album, Cannibal, and I'm sorry if she's considered trashy and not talented - I really enjoy her music. I honestly have no hesitation in saying my taste in music is very dictated by what's popular. I'm super mainstream. And really, whatever people make me listen to I usually like. The only things I can't stand are bagpipes.

Poop ploop. I feel so... I don't know. I have this huge appetite for movies. I have so many movies I want to see and I don't really even care if I see them with people. Like... I really just don't. I will gladly watch them by myself - I just have so many I want to watch.

:D Loving life

We in the bed like OOH OOOH OOHH

I've got a feeling - that this year's gonna be a good year.

Fuck yeah!!

Everything rocks! I mean, obviously there are always parts of life you'd like to improve or alter slightly, but in general god FUCK I'm happy with the way things are. All my problems are so miniscule! It's hard to even call them problems. Dayumm.

This weekend I'm going camping like a hobo (as if it's my job), then to school for three days (but it'll be fake WASSAP), then to Elitch's (roller coasters suck on that), then I'm graduating!! There's nothing better.

But I've been having a lot of feelings about leaving Fairview. Today I cried four times at school just because I started feeling so nostalgic.. I don't know. It's just that all those acquaintances that I see every day and am friendly with - it's them I know I won't stay in touch with. Them I'll see in five years and be like '
whoa you're married and have three kids already?' or 'I didn't realize you could hit homeless in such a short time' or 'you married a multi-millionaire? that's awesome but you're probably a bitchassho.' It's just crazy to me that I'm so close to being done. Most of my relationships will probably turn obsolete. And that is so freaking bittersweet.

Poop ploop.

Poop Ploop

So I've been posting a lot on my private blog because I've been having a lot of emotions and needed to vent and brag a lot and I don't want to subject regular humans to my ramblings.

But life is good. People are amazing. There are people who literally get made fun of every day who follow their dreams anyway and break out of the everyday mold and just do what they want. People are so amazing - their ability to be and survive and love each other through thick and thin and mistakes and faults... it is just fucking amazing to me. I don't know if I'll ever be a mother - I would seriously fuck a kid up and I wouldn't be responsible and I would have to give up my whole life, but if I ever become one I believe it'll be okay. Because people support each other and they adapt and they learn so fucking quickly...

Damn.

Also I'm super whiny and I've been realizing that people can probably only stand all my flaws because all my good qualities shine the more brightly. So I think I want to just be myself and stop judging myself and contradicting myself and second-guessing myself and being insecure - who needs insecurities, anyway? SO fuck all that shit. And life is a learning process. You can learn whatever you want, but you learn to live until the day you die. Mr. Ebadi said that - that man is wise. And super sarcastic and hilarious. But so wise when he gets serious! Jeez. I want to be wise.

I can't wait to go camping this weekend!! I'll have already taken the physics test so I won't have to worry about that! And then next Friday we're going to Elitch's! And then graduating!! Eek, time is moving so quickly. Damnnnn.

Brodiggity bro

I got this new keyboard and it is so niceee. The buttons are so pleasing to push! I can't even describe the feeling. I have to get used to the new distance between the buttons and the pressure with which I must press them to get a result, but it's just really nice. I was afraid at first that I spent 20 dollars on a keyboard that didn't work when it didn't work but then I refreshed my computer and it was aight.

Also I can't wait to go camping this weekend. Also I can't wait to graduate!!!!!! EEK I'm so close.

Also I can't wait to work and meet new people.

And go to college.

Man I love college.

Not Much to Write About

I cannot wait to start working this summer. I just want to meet new people (which makes me want to go to college super badly but until then my only opportunity to meet new people probably is if i get a job). So I want to work at the apple store, and as soon as I turn 18 I have the option of working either back at Le Peep or at White House Black Market. And maybe I'll work at Ameritech with Ashley? That could be fun. Or I could work at the Ritz. But it'd be cool to work somewhere fun. As much fun as Le Peep was....................


Well. Anyway.

I feel super independent and having my parents there to lean on is nice but I really want to just go out there and take my life into my own hands.

Good night.

Pewp

Sooooooo I know it's only hair, and it's no big deal or anything, but I still think you should only cut off how much you say you're going to cut off. So.. Lady, don't be angry at me for not leaving a tip - it's your own fault for lying to me. 1 inch is not the same as 2 inches, no matter how you spin it.

So I got a trim. Except I'm being insecure about it and I think it's very obvious that it's much shorter than it was. But oh well, it'll grow back. My hair grows quickly, so it should be fine.

My nails are really gross from taking the acrylics off. It looks like I sold the top three layers for crack or something. It's disGUSTing.

The AP tests went well. For CALC BC I'm expecting a 3 just to be safe but honestly I can see myself getting a 5. For Lit. and Comp. I can see myself getting a 4 but I would be happy with a 3. SOOO that's that.

I'm graduating in 17 days!!!

I only have 9 more days of school!

Basically, from here on out high school will not be a big deal. And then I'll be a high school graduate. Which is a big deal in some places! I will be a Fairview alumnus!! Joining the ranks.

I hope I succeed in life - whatever it is that I choose to do. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up being something super obscure that I don't even know exists right now. Maybe I'll become a teacher - which is something I cannot see myself doing EVER. Maybe... I don't know.

It's all so exciting.

Inspiration

Go for it. If there's something you want, just go get it because no one is going to spoon feed it to you. You can wait until the end of the world, but unless you go out and at least try to get it you'll never know if it's meant to be.

Sometimes, waiting is more comfortable. But if you really want something, you won't need to wait for the 'right' moment.

V

Above Average =/= Excellent

I'm not feeling the blogs anymore.. I'm getting caught up in the fact that it's public and it has stopped being for me, which is why I've been writing a lot on my private blog but not on this one.

But I feel bad, and I miss this one, too, in a way. So here we are.

I have decided to stop being so much of a hater. I give everyone a fresh chance every time we meet (except for some people.... but whatever) and if they blow it every time then I stop. But they have that chance until they blow it every time.

And prom was super fun.

And most things are good.

Smile :)